The Librarian I Used To Be

when i was a little girl,
i wanted to be a librarian -
surrounded by words on pages
and expanding brains.

then one day,
i realized i didn't want to spend my life silencing people.
shushing them, kicking them out, telling them to be quiet and looking for a reason to complain.

i love seeing people dance on public transit.
i love seeing couples fight at dinner.
i love seeing people smiling down at their phone.
i love seeing people shamelessly take selfies in public.
in a country full of civilized men and women, it's refreshing to see people
dance, fight, scream, smile, EXPRESS.

i have no time for blandness anymore.
i keep seeing men order plain bagels with no cream cheese or toppings and i keep on thinking, "WHY? what is the point of eating something with no flavor or substance?"
then i realize some people eat the way they live:
blandly and flavorless, quiet and emotionless... with no depth at all.

so tell me:
what the hell was i doing?
i became the librarian of our own sanctuary,
silencing you when you wanted to sing,
making you static when wanted to be kinetic.
why would i take away your voice?

i would tell you, hoping we could find ourselves again.

why was i holding onto my past,
the books i used to read,
the poets i used to love,
and the librarian i wanted to be?

after all..

i always hated how we went out of our way to go to libraries 
just to pick up books we would never read.

we were not meant to read stories anymore.

we were too busy writing our own.

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