The Calm Fog


you may just know me as the girl who was hopelessly in love with harry potter,
and i can live with that.

you were always the harry to my hermione,
flushing away my erratic anxiety
with the rudest sense of realism,
with talks of insects
and suicide
and the big bang theory.

i never played with the slugs at recess
because i didn't want anyone to know i got my hands dirty for you.

your laziness made me look fiercely productive.
and now, i could use that juxtaposition in my life more than ever.

you were the calm fog i saw on highland every morning.
i never saw what was ahead of me which caused me to be unstable -
but you made me feel okay with it all.
calm fog, lazy fog, gray fog. 
making my surroundings slowly fade away.

no one liked you but i did.
i always had a thing for
tragic heroes
and astrophysicists.

you scientifically proved to me that gravity doesn't exist.
so every time my hypersensitive heart aches and i feel the weight of one billion quarks on my chest,
i laugh and i laugh,
because it's not real.

i had the best adventures of my life killing zombies with you.

i was so deathly afraid you would spend your life alone and eventually turn into one of the zombies we killed together.

because i always loved you in such a pure way. 
(but not enough to hold you.)

now i see you through a familiar lens,
smiling, with your head up, aware as ever.
and most importantly. so, so alive. 

i hope you're killing stronger zombies
and discovering more universes.
i know i am.

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