Dear Alan Rickman {r.i.p.}


How do I even write an introduction to this article? Some cheesy paragraph about Alan Rickmans' achievements and how he was such a magnificent man and actor? Sure. But I am not worthy. I am not good enough. No one is. There is not a good enough tribute that could honor Alan Rickman and his inconceivable talent.

But Alan Rickman is beyond anything I could ever put into words. He was truly other-wordly, ethereal even - he was a professor to the world of young artists. A teacher to the ignorant and the unknowing.

He was our Snape. I don't want to put a label on this man and act like Snape was the only thing he's ever done, because most of the Harry Potter alumni hate that. But he was our one and only Snape. No one was Snape but him.

And to a lot of us...Severus held a special place in our hearts.

For me, it started when I was the mere age of 5. I went to the theaters with my mother to see Sorcerers Stone and this black-haired, cloaked guy caught my eye. My little self was so captivated by his compelling voice and his spellbinding crooked smile.

And because of this, I read Sorcerers Stone. I rushed to the library so I could open the book up to the page where he was introduced. And I read it, over and over again. My love for literature skyrocketed from there and then all of the sudden I was a writer. (and a die-hard Harry Potter fan, but everyone already knows that about me)

Because of Severus, my heart skips a beat for the tragic heroes. The more complex characters. The ones who you still can actively debate about. The Snapes, the Heathcliffs, the Holdens. Maybe in a sense I related to them, but I also admired their depth. Their intense love, their intense hate, their emotions. Nothing was chill about them. It was just them and a lot of literary critics will argue mental illness or obsession but for me, I just saw COMPLEX human beings that didn't need to be figured out or validated by the readers. That absolutely changed the game of literature for me and made all my english classes profoundly interesting.

So Alan Rickman, in a sense, is the one of the core reasons my love for literature and writing exists. But he also helped me grow as an actress, a lover, a poet, a friend, and a human.

When I was in acting school, I low key ignored the professors techniques and listened to what Alan Rickman was saying in interviews and such. If you don't know this already, J.K. Rowling shared with Rickman Snapes' fate, the entire story, the ending of Deathly Hallows, etc. And Rickman used this motivation for his character. If you rewatch all 8 films, you will see him portray Snape and add in little mannerisms and quirks that JUST MAKE SENSE.

Before I would go on to do a scene, I would think, "Okay. What is my characters fate? What is their true motivation that only I know at this point? What can I do to make this as deep as humanly possible?"

I grew so much as an actress. I owe that to a lot of people, but Mr Rickman put that in perspective for me.

To this day I can't help but shamelessly grin when I hear his sultry, iconic voice. I still have recordings of him reciting poetry (specifically Shakespearean sonnets) on my phone. 14 lines of beauty delivered flawlessly each and every time, helping me drift off to sleep.

I still carry my Snape keychain everywhere and I still will physically fight anyone who downplays Alan. I mean, why was it that a girl so young and naive was captivated by ALAN RICKMAN? I remember drawing pictures of him all throughout elementary school on my notebooks. He in a sense, was my first love, my artistic muse, and so much more.

A few months back I was invited to a lecture in New York that he was speaking at. But I thought, "I don't feel like making the trip, can't really afford it. I can just meet him some other time!" If only I knew that that was my only chance. I never met him and got to have our 5-hour conversation over tea and scones, but hey, he did enough for me in my life. And somehow, I think he knows. He just does.

 I was made fun of a lot growing up for loving Alan Rickman as a person and Severus Snape as a character (or person, in my words), but today, that doesn't matter. I see the impact this man has made on the world and I see the world weeping for him.

Today, I am proud. I am proud that I stood for this man my entire life without backing down once. I am ecstatic I got to exist the same time he did. And I'm happy I let him touch my life the way he did.

I pray for everyone close to Alan. The world lost something that feels so necessary. It's like we are loosing fire or ice, earth or air, water or sky. It was awfully gloomy today as I was walking into work and I looked up and just felt him. I felt like for those two minutes, I was in the wizarding world and he was there too. My patronus may be a squirrel...but today, it's a doe.

So, thank you Alan Rickman. Thank you. Say hi to Bowie for us, too. As Dumbledore once gracefully said, "To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure."