"what's your biggest fear?"

i shouldn't be imagining
when i have all of this right in front of me.

and if i was doing what i was imagining
i would be imagining what i was doing now.

i would slap myself in the head for taking
all that i loved for granted and trading it for
the jittery imagery of scenery i craved.

so i listen to this fucked up playlist of emo music
and think of my deepest
darkest
fears.

source: ophore.tumblr.com

usually in playful conversation
the passenger seat
will turn to me and ask,
"what's your biggest fear?"

i stare into the distance,
sighing because i'm at a loss for words.

"nothing, really. i don't know. i just can't think right now."

finally - on a night bus to nowhere i realize.

my biggest fear is not being able to hear the music.
not feeling tingly in my stomach
or not feeling such immense emotions when
that emo playlist plays
and hits my palate.

my biggest fear is becoming immune to your cancer
not being able to taste the tears of every song.

each and every cell
proton
and quark,
doing everything in their power to make sure
i don't break out in a smile when your hand touches mine.

i fear the days molding together,
without a title to define it.

i fear the symbols of nature
will soon
just be biological names
in a  dictionary and I won't feel a thing.

i think i fear being numb.
i fear cynicism taking over my body
until i am drenched in frostbite.
i don't want to be immune -
i want to be so ill
if that means i get to feel something.