{2016} Priorities

2015 was a wiiiild ride to say the least. According to Spotifys' Year of Music, the first song I streamed in 2015 was Weightless by All Time Low. If you are unfamiliar with it, it's the pop punk song that says, "Maybe it's not my weekend, but it's gonna be my year." Well, I can't even tell you how much I listened to that song in January 2015. Or just the entire year. Or maybe my entire LIFE.

Every lyric is GOLD, but that one line is priceless. I felt like that a lot in 2015. I would have a week where I basically did nothing but sleep and gain weight and I would chuckle nervously and be like, "Haha...not a good weekend, but THIS IS STILL GONNA BE MY YEAR! WATCH OUT EVERYBODY!"

Or I would pull a Maria and burn 502 bridges all in one month and still optimistically say, "It's all goooood! I don't need them anyways!" *blasts IDFWU while wearing the same sweatpants I was wearing the day before*

Those weekends would inevitably happen, but I still didn't lose hope that 2015 would bring some success to me, no matter how late it would come.

So let me guess, you are biting your fingernails on the edge of your seat wanting to know, was 2015 my year? That's debatable, but a whole lot did happen and it prepared me for the next year...two-oh-one-six.

I lived in three different places, did a cross-country road trip and I saw my blog and my writing grow tremendously. I got to go to Disneyland like, a hundred times which is a lot considering just a year ago I've never been!

I had several different jobs. Some of them introduced me to lovely people who make my heart smile. One of them I walked out on literally one day after training. One of them taught me about what I was really made of. And one of them is getting me a little closer to my career goals.

I ate so many avocados and egg rolls and hot cheetos and ramen and falafel and other yummy stuff. I watched so many awesome new TV series - Orange is the New Black, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Master of None, etc! This is stuff I do every year but it's still exciting because food and netflix are the reason this generation is thriving.

I got in touch with my favorite fandoms again which is beyond important to me. I had time to actually reflect on the nostalgia that runs through my blood, you know? Sometimes when you get busier than you used to be, you don't have time to do things you used to, like checking your favorite news sites and social media for news on your favorite band. Staying up all night and playing Skyrim. Livestreaming the E3 expo. Downloading all your weekly podcasts. Live-blogging every award show and live-gramming the Hunger Games premiere. These are things I would do on the daily, and they became obsolete in my life. In 2015, I got back on track with my fandoms and I hope to get better in 2016.

I realized how in love I am. So so so in love. With my soul mate, with myself, and with life.

But also, I had a dark period, as I do have most years because I am an emotional roller coaster of symbolic emotions. (I told you 2015 was a wild ride...)

2015 to me represented transition. I was always transitioning between situations and never had time to rest. Waiting for things to add up, waiting for something to happen, waiting for everything to feel homey again. But every moment I started to feel right, something went wrong again. And there I was again, transitioning to another town, another job, another adventure, another feeling.

I had a dark period because I neglected my health and my sanity just so I could merely exist in a capitalistic society. As Ron Swanson famously said to Leslie Knope in Parks and Rec, I was half-assing my way through life just to make ends meet. But...you don't wanna half-ass your way through life. Because if you're half-assing all your relationships, all your jobs, all your meals, all your outfits, all your work, all your life...who's going to remember you? No one. What impact will you make? Zero.

I'm laying on my mattress, drinking my double tall soy mocha and eating my two petite vanilla bean scones, trying to get these words across the right way so I can start my 2016 off a little bit brighter than I'm ending 2015.

If anything, this New Years I'd like to get my priorities straight.  I'm sick of fumbling around, not really liking anything I do. Settling for too much, just trying to get by. Bleh. It sounds disgusting just talking about it. I think I just want to be more direct and upfront with myself and look life straight in the eye and tell it what I want. For other peoples' convenience, I just let things happen. I don't want to be a bother to anyone. But that isn't going to fly with me this year.

I never call my 'resolutions' resolutions, I call them priorities. Things like "eating healthier!" or "learning the ukulele!" and "getting better at makeup!" may be things I want to do in 2016, but they don't have a timeline. I can do that anytime I want. Before my tiny fingers learn how to ace a G chord or before my contour actually looks good, I need to get these priorities straight.

What I want to make my priority this year:
  • My writing, my art, my goals. Why waste any time on empty jobs distracting me from my purpose? I made this one of my 'priorities' for 2015 and I am proud I actually stuck with it, but obviously I have tons more work to do. Within the next month or so, I want to quit all my side jobs and cut all that clutter out of my life. I want to focus on making writing my main career, which I know is feasible, it just is going to be yet another transition period. LASTLY, related to writing, I want to write for myself. See? This post is for myself. It's not for money, a company, another site, or someone else I'm writing for. It's alllll for me. I think I'd like to do more posts like this because it makes me happier to document my life in words. That is my passion after all.
  • My mental health. Because MENTAL HEALTH IS SO IMPORTANT, especially when I have a history of unavoidable sadness. I need to worry about my happiness before worrying about others people and their happiness. Sacrifice is always a nice trait to have, but I've been doing that too long. Can't neglect my own sanity. 
  • Actually having control of my life. I'm talking to you, world! I'm not even 20 years old yet, which is a lot for people to comprehend. I may be an old soul, but I have so much to experiment with as life goes on. F R E E D O M - is what is important to me this year. I want to be able to develop my own schedule, my own rules, my own lifestyle. I'm at a time in my life where I have the opportunity to experiment with freedom so I'm going full force with that in 2016. I'm not gonna dip my feet in, I'm gonna get soaked. 
I really hope 2016 brings nice things. Earlier today, I was walking to get my afternoon coffee and was just looking down at the sidewalk. I was looking down and all I could see were my black flats, grass, and concrete. My black flats touched hundreds of sidewalks before, but this one was special. I just heard the birds. I felt cold air and sun. I smelt pine and maple. It was like I didn't know where I was or where I was headed to, I just felt happy. All of my senses were satisfied. If I looked up, I would've seen everything. But I kept looking down, so I could be happy in my own little world. 

That's what I want 2016 to be like. I hope you all had a great Holiday and I hope your New Year is even sweeter. I'm just so excited to start anew, this December has been a stressful one.


Maria Elena