Balancing Life + Work + School + Art = HELP.

Balancing life, work, school, and art? AHHHHHH. I've always considered myself a hustler, but I also like to put my all into everything I do, which I found out is nearly impossible for me when living the typical middle class life.

The thing is, I've had a hard time balancing all aspects of my life for as long as I can remember.

In middle school, I remember trying to balance school with my social life, homework, sports and after school activities. Not to mention, I was trying to get that '8 hour sleep' everyone swore by. Yeah. I did it, I guess...

As I got into high school, the school work became more intense, along with the homework. I started working. My social life was at an all time high. I was secretary of the drama club and was literally put my blood and tears into that group because I cared about it that much, along with my acting, dancing and vocal lessons and extensive community theatre shows I was doing. Later in high school, I started focusing on writing professionally. I was doing freelance opportunities and I started this blog which I frequently tried to keep up with.

Then college happened, and OH GOD, did it happen.
How the hell did I even survive? How the hell was everyone else surviving?

Then one night, it hit me. I was in New York watching Parks and Recreation with my boyfriend and the king of wisdom Ron Swanson said to Leslie, "Never half-ass two things. Whole ass one thing." Leslie was trying to balance two different jobs she loved very much along with her very eventful life. I related to Leslie on a deep level, and when Ron said that to her, my life changed from that point. That statement inspired me to leave New York. Weird, huh? I mean, everything was going perfect in New York, but I didn't get to feel that perfection. My budding relationships, artistic opportunities and career felt meaningless to me. I couldn't immerse myself in my success, my relationships, or my work. I was just there...half-assing not only two things, but at least ten things. I decided I would never live that way again.

I'm just always afraid of getting into that loop again; that circle of half-assing everything I do in life and not being able to fully immerse myself into things I do. Because of this feeling of confusion, I'm even more afraid I'll just go back to running away from people and places out of complete fear. I look in the future and it only seems to get more complicated. I always thought I would want to have kids at some point but when I see families I almost throw up at the stress and responsibility. How the hell would I add that into the already-complicated equation of my life? More bills and payments, more jobs, more boringness, more STRESS? Nah.

I've made some profound changes to my life lately specifically so I could avoid falling into this hole of stereotypical adulthood. I know I have to make some sacrifices and I have to struggle. I've been doing that my entire life. But I want to be able to experience that from my point of view, you know?

It's vitally important to balance out these four things in a healthy way. Art is the process of imitating life, so I need to have a life to make authentic art and to write about real experiences. To have a life, I'm going to need to work / do social things / go to school because that's where life happens. That's where you meet new people and gain new experiences. I spent a lot of time leaving people and places to focus on my art, which was so silly of me. I can't have art without life.

I haven't figured out how to balance life, work, school and art yet But I'm on my way. I'm not going to half-ass things anymore. I'm going to put my full self into everything I do, no matter what it takes. I'm going to resist the urge to give up.

I haven't figured out a systematic way to do this and I'm far from succeeding. But I'll let you know when I do.