Feminists Can Throw Shade & Wear Turtlenecks, Too

After all this beef has been going on between all these celebrities, mostly female, mostly Taylor Swift and Nicki Minaj, it got me wondering: who is in the wrong here, if anyone? There's been a lot of talk of feminism after this...and I didn't quite understand why. Two women are in a disagreement here, with basically the entire world watching, and we make it an conversation of feminism? Women can have their disagreements without it being some over-sexualized cat fight or over-politicalized debate.

Yesterday evening, I watched Missrepresented on Netflix, a documentary about how we wrongly portray women in the media and how it's affecting younger generations of women. This got me thinking even deeper.

Feminism isn't black and white. It's about doing what you want and living life on your own terms. We will get into disagreements and beefs with men and women, and it's not an issue of feminism on either side. End of story. The point isn't that women shouldn't downplay other women, PERIOD, or she is a terrible feminist.

The point is men are prioritized over women.
The point is women are conditioned to believe women are their competition, not men.
The point is women who know the same man are considered competition to be his love interest.
Women in the same job field are constantly compared to each other, often portrayed as a "cat fight."
Women with similar interests are conditioned to compete instead of relate with each other.

The point is, women shouldn't naturally prioritize men, make women their natural competition, and downplay women for no reason whatsoever.

That's the problem with the whole "you shouldn't be pitting women against each other." Was Nicki specifically saying it's wrong for Taylor to be skinny? No. But is Taylor's Bad Blood a travesty on all feminism? Of course not.

If men bring up a point, that's all it is. A point. If women bring up a point about anything, it's never just a point or an opinion. There's always going to be a discussion about feminism.

That's what is going on in society...however...that doesn't mean women can't have beef with one another. That doesn't mean women can't fight. That doesn't mean women can't have an opinion on one another. We all love feminism, but that doesn't mean we have to love all women.

Just as men do things wrong and we have the right to dislike them, we have that right with women. We have to look at people and who they are and their choices as PEOPLE, not genders or any other label for that matter.

The reason I bring this up is because lately, women have been criticized for being "anti-feminists" or whatever else you wanna call it for 'throwing shade' or 'fighting with other women.'

Here's the thing. If someone does something to wrong you, you're allowed to handle it on your own terms. Sure, we all may be against slut-shaming, body-shaming, discrimination, sexism, racism, homophobia, etc. But we can't get along with everyone and there still are bad people out there. Remember that next time you exist with the whole naive "everyone is perfect" philosophy.


Now, onto a second topic: Body empowerment.

Lately, it seems like feminism has been sort of focused on body empowerment, and while I'm all for the concept, I feel like it's backtracking because of how the majority of people are perceiving the concept.

Our entire society is mostly run by men - therefore, most of the rules are made by men. "Wear a loosely fitted, unflattering body suit at work so you don't distract your male peers, but in real life, wear tightly fitted, body-con dresses so your male peers actually pay attention to you!"

We've heard it all, haven't we?

Some women like to show off their bodies and some women like to cover up. Both are acceptable and fine and it shouldn't be an issue what a women wants to do. RIGHT?! I just want you to ask yourself this question: Do you show off / cover up for YOURSELF? Because it makes you comfortable?

Or do you do it to gain mens attention? Or to reject their attention? To keep them away? Or perhaps to spite them and show them you can do what you want? Do you do it to gain approval at work or school? To get more instagram likes?

At the very end of the day, we don't realize how often our decisions are shaped because of men, even if it is to spite them, reject them, keep them away, or to show them what we're made of. We shouldn't have that responsibility.

That's the issue for me. Womens' bodies are THEIR bodies and it's not meant to be some kind of object to make a statement with or some kind of advertising tactic to gain approval with.

The issue isn't body empowerment itself, as I have stated before, it's the fact that we are primarily focusing on body empowerment. It's the fact that we are showing girls that that may be the only choice they have to gain attention or be successful. It's the fact that some of the most successful women right now are women who are known for sex and their bodies. It's the fact that we are at a point where excessive makeup, plastic surgeries, and unhealthy procedures are acceptable, empowering, and okay as long as it makes the person doing it happy - which is correct, but the most famous people in the world are the plastic ones - showing the entire world that we now have even more unattainable standards than we did before. Just because the world of fashion and beauty is gaining diversity of race and size doesn't mean there still aren't beauty standards. It's the fact that the women who are gaining their empowerment through their bodies and sex are gaining constant attention and acclaim where as women who chose to gain their empowerment elsewhere can barely make a headline.

For me, it's MORE than okay to love your body and embrace it. However, we all need to realize we are not just our bodies and our worth is beyond that. We are not defined by our bodies. We all have infinite souls and unique minds and one of a kind personalities, that shouldn't be sacrificed. We shouldn't be focusing on just one side of empowerment.

The title of this post is true. We women can do what we want. That is the point of feminism. We women are not consumable goods, regardless of our choice to show off our bodies or cover up our bodies. We women are not trophy feminists or media traps, we can get in disagreements with other women without it being a travesty or debate. We can throw shade while wearing turtlenecks. We can talk politely while wearing bathing suits.

And we should teach the younger generations of girls that they have a choice to be who they are and get where they are without having to adapt or sell themselves out to fit an image.