Zoloft Belongs in the Trash {At Least For Me}

About two years ago, I was prescribed Zoloft by my current doctor. I was going through a rough patch in my life, and I can't say I don't still feel similar feelings that I did at the time, but things have gotten better. I remember talking to my school's psychiatrist and developmental psychologist and we actually ended up all being pretty close friends. I would constantly write. I would always drive to random forests and just sit there and write. But my mind wouldn't stop. I hated it.
Perks of constantly journaling. 

Looking back, it was a magnificent journey full of spirituality, strength, soul-searching and love. I couldn't have done this without my own strength which is why I am writing about this at this very moment. 

I never really told anyone about my battle with "whatever you wanna call it." I don't know how to label it. As a person who is into psychology, I know it's just theories and there's always new research coming out. Therefore, I'm open minded to what actually was going on. Regardless, it was going on. Did I have depression? Anxiety? Was I just stressed? Did something in my life psychologically mess me up to be this way? Or was it a lot of things adding up over time until I got to a breaking point? Was it a stage? Was I letting others negativity getting to me? Was my brai lacking serotonin? Was I lacking vitamin D? Was my spiritual frequency low? Or perhaps I wasn't comfortable within my skin? 

Gosh. The possibilities are truly endless. I could write 20 paragraphs of all the possibilities of what was actually going on. Like I said before, it was still going on. I was desperate. 

I remember getting home from the doctors office with a bottle of zoloft in my hand. It was literally a movie-moment. I kept tossing it around in my hand, back and forth, as there was a war in my mind. I already had doubts about this. I mean, no one knew for sure what was going on for me. I wanted to get through this on my own, not with chemicals. I wanted to be myself, not a robot.

Then, I vividly remember reading this piece of paper listing all the side effects. It was literally a full sheet of paper, size 8 font, with all the things that could potentially happen to you if you took the pills. It started off with nausea, fatigue, anorexia, headache, low libido, indigestion, etc. Then it increased to suicidal thoughts, a possibility of becoming more depressed, passing out, and so on. Why would I take this if it's going to make me MORE sick and MORE depressed? 

So, I took it to the internet. I was reading other peoples experience with zoloft. A lot of people had a positive experience but I would say 75% of the reviews were bad. It either made things worse or had no affect for the majority. People were saying they felt controlled, soulless, and apart of this mindless herd of people. They were saying they had to take it for years, because once they got off it they went insane. Some people got so sick and messed up it truly ruined their life. Not saying it's not possible to have a positive experience, but wow.

That's when I knew I couldn't take it.

I learned a lot from that experience, but most importantly  I learned this: YOUR MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH SHOULD BE #1. People sometimes laugh and roll their eyes when I make decisions "for me." I've been called selfish, ignorant, unintelligent, delusional, and even worthless. But when it comes down to it, I care about my feelings. I care about my well-being. And I even care about others feelings. I can sense when people around me are feeling down and I hate to see people being forced to go through such hardship for the "good of society."

But those people are wrong. Forget 'the real world.' Forget pleasing people who couldn't give a shit about you. Forget negativity. Forget anything that doesn't make you happy.

Don't be embarrassed because you have emotions. Don't be embarrassed to talk to somebody. Don't be embarrassed to have a mental illness. I know I'm always available for conversation.

Listen. Any type of hardship takes time to overcome. Yet nowadays, doctors will prescribe pills to almost anyone. You really have to watch out before you make a bad decision. Research the medicine and research YOURSELF.

I'm proud of the decision I made two years ago, and I can't imagine what my life would be like if I actually decided to take it. After months of writing, soul-searching, eating, going outside, traveling, performing, meeting new people, reading, etc - I overcame what I thought I never could overcome.

I'm writing this to those who are thinking about using zoloft or other medication. It's best to educate yourself before you do. And know, it is possible to overcome hardship without medication. I think it's better that way.