Dear Universe, Dear God

I am so grateful for everything I have. I love the earth so much; I just want to hug it. Every sunset, every cup of tea, every laugh, EVERYTHING. I know there are times when I wish my life could be different. There are time when anxiety consumes me and I can barely function. Life isn't always perfect, but I am so grateful. I can't even be happier. So, thank you, if anyones listening. Thank you for making me who I am today and thank you for all the people and opportunities you have put into my life. You know, everyone thinks we are all so individually different, but are we? We all are here, alive on the same Earth, and that's enough. We are here, we are together, and we are love. Embrace the love and spread it! The joys of living, nature, and LOVE! xoxo

See that girl right there? That's me, Maria Elena. I might not be in the history books hundreds of years from now, and my name may never be spoken again. I don't know If there is an afterlife, I don't know if my life matters. I don't know why the hell any of us are here. But I do know one thing: I am alive and I am well! I am happy! I am Maria Elena, and that's who I will be for now! Maybe one day I will be a bird, maybe an alien, or perhaps a flower. Who knows. But I love Maria. I really do. And I love everyone she loves. That's what life is about.

Stay happy. Stay loving.

Spring Playlist

  1. The First Days of Spring- Noah and the Whale
  2. Shake It Out- Florence and the Machine
  3. You and I- Ingrid Michaelson
  4. Sweet Darlin'- She and Him
  5. Sugar Town- Nancy Sinatra
  6. Come Rain or Come Shine- Judy Garland
  7. Sweet Disposition- The Temper Trap
  8. Heroes- David Bowie
  9. Strawberry Bubblegum- Justin Timberlake
  10. Overwhelmed- Tim Mcmorris
  11. I Hate Seagulls- Kate Nash
  12. Puppy Love- Lana Del Rey
  13. Mushaboom- Feist
  14. Three Little Birds- Bob Marley
  15. Happiest Girl in the Whole USA- Donna Fargo
  16. Love of An Orchestra- Noah and the Whale


An empty chair
an empty desk
can go unnoticed

Here is my confession:
I never think of you, you never even cross my mind.
Like a grain of sand on a west coast beach,
if you were gone, I would not enjoy the beach any less.
Yet somehow today, your absence reminds me of fate
and how that empty chair
that empty desk
could've been

Suffocating Thoughts

This isn't a story. This isn't a poem. This isn't a work of art. This is a blogpost of my thoughts.

I've been thinking a tad too much lately. Just completely unnecessary thoughts. The thoughts that a person would ponder at night: "Why are we here? What happens when we die? Did I make a mistake? Am I good enough? I'm so stressed. What's even the point to life? Everything seems so meaningless." And so on. These thoughts suffocate me. Not just at the day time. When I wake up, when I go to bed. And even in my dreams. All I want is to be happy and simply live in the moment, but something is stopping me from it. I am not okay with uncertainty, I am not okay with life being meaningless.

Yet, I've been losing hope. I'm trying, and I've been trying for far too long. Although I know I will not give up on this journey we call life, I want to enjoy it because I'm realizing how precious it is. I guess it hurts to realize life may be all we have. Reality has finally hit me in the face. I guess it's better to live a life being aware of the truth and appreciating everyday instead of comforting yourself with a lie.

Why am I always searching for an answer that I will never find? Why? I've researched every religion and philosophy, paranormal activity, love, history, mythology, psychology, astrology, numerology, science, spirituality and I researched them all over the past few years very intensely. Yet I'm still looking. I'm so lost. When it comes to this, the question is: Is it even posible for me to be found?

These thoughts consume me. I wish them to go away. I almost feel the need for comfort. I want to know the following things:

  • My life today matters in the bigger picture.
  • Who I am as an individual, my personality, my self, and my memories won't leave me when I die.
  • That I can be with the people I love eternally.
But in reality, all of the signs are showing me none of that is true. After all, why would it be? Our whole Earth can explode and the universe will still go on peacefully. Even the universe will come to an end one day. Therefore, why would my little life be important or even be a tad significant?

I am not normally like this, and I apologize. I have been so optimistic and so spiritual lately. I don't know what happened. I need some reassurance. All I know these thoughts are suffocating me, and I want them to stop.


I have adored Kate Nash for years. She's a fearless individual. Her music has always been simplistic and cutesy. Yet with her new album, Girl Talk, she changed from her simplistic, cutesy style and went punk indie.

Regardless of what her songs are about, what I've always loved about her is that her songs are so specific and instead of saying some "deep, emotional, poetic" lyric about getting her heartbroken, she says, "And when I saw you kissing that girl / my heart, it shattered and my eyes, they watered, and when I tried to speak I stuttered / and my friends were like whatever, you'll find someone better, his eyes were way too close together, and we never even liked him from the start, and now he's with that tart and I heard she's done some really nasty stuff done in the park with michael / he said she's easy and if your guy's with someone thats sleazy / then he ain't worth your time cause you deserve a real nice guy." It's refreshing, she does that with almost all of her songs and it's so adorable. It shows that music doesn't need to be controversial or have some clever "deep" line in it to be considered art. It shows that we can express our emotions any way we want to.

Her previous albums Made of Bricks and My Best Friend is You were about the simple pleasures and travesties of love and life. They were very pure, with lyrics like, "And my heart skips a beat every time that we meet / it's been a while, and now your smile is almost like a memory / but now you're back and I am fine cause you're with me and I'm in love with you." The songs tended to be about her falling in love with a guy (whether the love is reciprocated or not) and the memories she had with him.

What I loved about Girl Talk was how vast it was. Usually when an artist comes out with an album, a lot of the songs sound very similar. Yet every individual song not only sounded different, but the symbolism behind it was different as well.

The meaning of this album was about finding your true self, true love, feminism, image, identity, and of course girl power. Overall, this album was very empowering. There's pretty much a song for everything on this album. One of my personal favorites is "Lullaby for an Insomniac." She sings it a-cappella and then at the end this old fashioned orchestra music plays. It's perfect for those times you're feeling down and you just want to lay down in the dark and fall asleep forever. Her voice is angelic and soft in this one, its very relaxing and reassuring. 

Then there's songs like "Rap for Rejection" and "Conventional Girl," which are songs to listen to when you are sick of someone thinking they are better than you and you just wanna be yourself and show them what you're made of. Another one of my favorites is "You're So Cool, I'm So Freaky," because she plays acoustic guitar and sings in her soft, british accent which I am a sucker for. It gives me calming vibes, and reminds me of Regina Spektor or The Moldy Peaches.

Basically, I highly recommend this album. Kate Nash is my girl. It's worth a shot! The album is on itunes, but they are also on youtube. CHECK IT OUT. x

Happy in our own world