Sexuality



(Note: This article is talking about sexual orientation. Not about romantic orientation or gender identity. These are my opinions, and if your opinions differ: that is okay.)

There has been a controversial question going around for decades. Are gay people born that way, or is it simply a choice? Or perhaps neither? Both? People tend to see things black and white. Here are the two main beliefs: 1. They are simply born straight, gay, bi, or lesbian from the moment they take their first breath. It can be seen from their behavior as a young child, and it's even more obvious as they grow up. They cannot help their attraction to the same/opposite sex, it's natural for them, and it's due to their genetic makeup. 2. They were born straight, but due to problems in their life, they end up being attracted to the same sex, usually subconsciously. 

In my opinion, it seems silly that someone could wake up one day and make the choice to be attracted to someone of the same sex. When people argue that homosexuality is a choice, I don't think that's what they're implying. Like I said above, they think it's a subconscious choice, due to psychological issues. Either way, I don't think it's a choice or something that happens due to issues in their life. At the same time, I don't think they were born that way either. I don't think anyone is born with a sexuality. Sexuality isn't something you can see, and it's certainly NOT a personality trait, even though some will argue. It's stereotypical to say that every gay man is going to be feminine and every gay woman is going to be masculine. Gender roles have nothing to do with sexuality. Appearance has nothing to do with sexuality. Remember: SEXUALITY IS SIMPLY WHO YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO. Therefore, It's not something you can tell from a young age. It's silly to say just because your son plays with barbies or your daughter plays with cars, they are gay. What you're attracted to isn't a choice, but you're not born to be attracted to someone. For example, I love cookies but I wasn't born to love cookies. My craving for cookies is natural, but some people naturally hate cookies. (Probably a bad example, considering most people love cookies.) I did not wake up one day and choose to love cookies but I wasn't born to love them. You can say it was my choice to like cookies. But think of this: I can choose to have broccoli for desert one day instead of cookies. That is my choice. Is it natural for me to like broccoli? No, but can I eat it without dying? Yeah. My favorite color is lavender but I use to like the color orange and it changed to blue later in my life. Then I had a stage where I painted my walls fuchsia. Does that define me? No. Sexuality is a lot like color: Some people strictly like one color for a long time. Some hate all colors. Some like blue and red. Some like the whole rainbow. And it changes. Sexuality is fluid and people for some reason think that once someone is attracted to the opposite sex or the same sex or both sexes, or even neither, they have to label themselves. We all go through stages of questioning this and the majority of people have bisexual tendencies, so why even bother labeling it? I'm more of a cat person. I love dogs as well though. Now, let's say there's a person who loves cats but does not like dogs. Keep in mind, they were not born to love either of these animals but it's not simply a choice. It's just kind of what happened. They have reasoning behind why they like cats more than dogs. Maybe it's because cats are quiet, or perhaps they think cats are cuter. Whatever the reasoning is, it's like the reasoning why some people prefer men over women, or women over men. 

Sigmund Freud introduced a term called "innate bisexuality." This basically means, every human is born bisexual but through external and internal psychological development, every human becomes either straight or gay, while the bisexuality is in a dormant state, and only shows through certain people who identify with it. I like this idea because it compromises with the whole born this way/choice debate. It states basically we are just born the same, with sexuality inside of us, and as life goes on, things happen, and we simply identify with one sexuality. Heterosexuality is overwhelmingly the dominant sexuality. Why is this? 1. Because a man and a woman can reproduce together. Since the dawn of time, that was usually the "point of life." 2. In most religions, philosophies, societies, etc, that was just sort of the thing to do. It made sense. That's what people were taught for ages. If we all have this innate bisexuality, that's probably why the majority of the world identifies with heterosexuality.

A lot has changed lately. There has been so much acceptance and compassion for the LGBT community, which is wonderful. But I don't like to see constant stereotyping and labels. Sexuality is very fluid, as I said before. I like to think of sexuality as a scale of 1-10. (0 being asexual.) 1 is completely homosexual, and 10 is completely heterosexual. 4-7 is bisexual. There are some people who are just attracted to the opposite sex and cannot even imagine being with the same sex, and then there are some people who are the opposite. But then, if you ranked an 8 or 9 on the scale, it means you identify as straight, but you wouldn't find it repulsive to be with the same sex, although it's not something you need to do. I always hear woman saying they have a "girl crush," and men saying "no homo." News flash: You can be straight, and still find the same sex attractive. You can still have little crushes on the same sex and be straight. Don't sweat it. No one is judging you. And if they are, who cares? Sexuality is simply determined by who you want to have intimacy with. Romantic orientation is different, and finding someone attractive is also very different. Who you have sex with is personal. I think it's sacred and should not be talked about regardless of who it was with. It should not be publicized, labeled, or given a stereotype. It's simple: Just love who you want to love.

1 comment

  1. The examples are a bit weird, but the whole article is amazing. Also the Freud part drew my attention!

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